Lost and Found

It would be in my nature to begin this entry with self-criticism for taking so long to write. I would be most comfortable explaining that this project has been nearly overly-inspiring, which has overwhelmed me from writing. And my instinct is to blurt out all of the "but then this happened...." and "then you'll never even believe it but...." and "I had every intention of writing that night but then....." details in order to justify to myself and to you why I have slacked. All of those things matter, and none of those things matter. Because what matters is that I'm writing now. Totally deep, right?

There are many times in my life when I have gotten lost. Literally. Especially in Virgina. Well, always in Virginia. Occasionally in Millard. But always in Virginia. Anyway, this one time I was lost at the Vatican. The real Vatican. The one in Rome. Well, it's not actually in Rome because it is it's own city. So, this one time I went to the Vatican on a college choir trip. It was a rainy, chilly day and our group had waited in line for a very long time to take the tour. Once inside, I remember having a difficult time hearing the tour guide and feeling a little anxious from the crowds. The art and architecture was fascinating and I even managed to sneak in a photo of the Creation of Adam (which was totally illegal, by the way).

The one thing that anyone in my family requested as a souvenir from my trip was a rosary made by the Vatican nuns for my step-mom. On our way out of the Vatican, our group weaved in and out of the bazillions of tourists, hoping we'd all end up on the right bus. We passed a gift shop and I asked the tour guide if there was time to stop for a rosary. She hurriedly said, "Si, si, si! Go now! Quickly!" My choir teacher pointed to the area where the group would be waiting and my friend Trullie grabbed my camera and umbrella so I wouldn't be weighed down. Two other friends, Nate and Miriam, ran into the gift shop with me. We dashed in, purchased our nun-made rosaries, and snaked through the torrents of people to the meeting place. AND THEY WERE GONE. Our group was no where to be found.

Miriam, Nate, and I ran along the bus loading zone looking for any sign of familiarity. We dashed in and out of the rain, ran this way and that, and the group was not in sight. We didn't even know how to hail a cab in Vatican City, and if we did, where we tell the driver to take us?? We didn't speak Italian beyond "gratzi, prego, si" and "ciao." Miriam's ankle went out. My asthma was acting up. Nate was frustrated. We were lost at the Vatican.

By the grace of God, I had a napkin from our hotel in my purse. Why? Maybe I was keeping it for a souvenir? Who knows. We flagged down a taxi and I handed him the napkin. In a very thick accent, he said "herrrrrrre?" "Si!!" We sighed in unison. When the driver pulled up the hotel, we noticed our tour bus wasn't parked out front. Ummmm....where is the group? Is everyone lost at the Vatican???

Miriam, Nate and I changed out of our soaked clothing and jaunted down to the McDonald's for a quick lunch. (Vegetarians, let me just tell you that veggie burgers are way more novel when they come from an Italy.) Upon our return, we were greeted by our choir teacher. Our very upset choir teacher. "How could you do that? What were you thinking? That was totally irresponsible of you!" Yeah, um, well see, we were the ones who left behind...at the Vatican. But he wasn't really in the mood to hear our side of the story. Apparently, they waited on the bus forever and even circled around a bit looking for us. The crabby old man never even apologized for leaving us, let alone praised me for my mad McGuyver-like napkin skills.

Faith lesson number one: The napkin is mightier than the map.

In the past couple of weeks, I have been fortunate enough to continue my faith research on large and small scales. I had lunch with my friend Jessica whose family hails from the Missouri Synod Lutheran denomination. We philosphized over nachos and shared personal beliefs between bites of burritos. She was very candid with me, exposing some of the more controversial issues she has confronted within her own faith and belief system. I admire her personal relationship with God and Jesus. It struck me how she described praying. I asked if it's okay to pray for selfish wants and desires, and what if you get distracted during church? She assured me that everyone gets distracted in church and that it's okay because we're only human. But praying for Jessica is like picking up the phone and talking with her best friend. She literally has a conversation with God. She tells him what's on her mind. What she wants, what she doesn't want. It's that simple. Praying for her is like talking. Well that's not nearly as intimidating as I thought.

On one Sunday, I was reunited with my best friend from junior high. Sarah and I went to different high schools, but remained friends until we were about 20 when we went our separate ways. She married her high school sweetheart and started a family. When I wasn't getting lost at the Vatican, I was away at college. Slowly but surely we lost track of each other. This is why we should all be grateful for Facebook! I am so thankful for that addictive networking site because I would have had no way of finding her after all these years.

Sarah invited me to attend church with her family in Gretna. They attend Journey Church, which is kind of self-explainatory. It is a Christian denomination that is pretty progressive and contemporary. Much like the Evangelical-Free service, music plays an integral role during worship. It was so much fun standing next to my long-lost friend, observing her family and listening to them sing. I tried to follow along, but I kept getting lost in the words. I leaned over to Sarah and asked "is 'the Lord' God or is 'the Lord' Jesus?" With her smile that hasn't changed a bit since she was 12, she leaned in and whispered, "yes."

Faith lesson number two: I'm not the only who has struggled with my faith, and also never grew past 5'2".

Today, I had coffee with the legendary Beth Katz (please note blog entry Welcome to the Club). We had the most lovely, comfortable conversation about our unusual family members and how we both speak crazy. We each went to graduate school in Michigan (different universities) and are both Virgos. Of course you all know that Virgos are the best, and even though Beth admits Libra tendancies, the Virgos will go ahead and claim her. She said her energy level was low today but I found her to be very calming, even after the caffeine from my chai latte kicked in. I think Beth is one of those people who really sees a person. There is a rare quality in her eyes that lets you know it's okay to be yourself. So even though I'm just a half-breed, religiously confused, 32 1/2 year old with a special needs cat, I don't seem to have any insecurities around her. She even took it upon herself to be my Renting Realtor and drove around scouting rental homes with me. Beth has faith that things will work out for me. The job, the house, the toning of my derriere.

Faith lesson number three: B'shert. It's meant to be....destiny.

In the past 9 days, I've slumped into an eensy weensy bit of self-pity. Just a smidge. I'm having hard time getting closure from the break up with my former job. I had a mysterious pain for about four days which rendered me completely useless to the world. And I'm really starting to freak out financially. So what did I do? I took myself shopping! :) Calm down, I only went to Borders to buy a pick-me up read. What did I end up with? A book called Lost and Found about a woman who becomes widowed and befriends an injured dog. Yeah, sounds hilarious. It was the last phrase of the backcover's synopsis that sealed the deal for me: "joy does exist in unexpected places." That sounds like just what the doctor, or Lord, or Jesus, or whoever ordered.


Faith lesson number four: Is my faith lost, or simply not yet found?

Goals:
- help sister select menu for seder
- attend Conservative Jewish service
- attend Episcopalian service
- get a job